It's Been Awhile
by RubyDust
Summary: Raven's in a random bar. She sees a figure from her past. What memories will arise? RaeRob


I was just listening to this song and got this random image of Raven in a bar, spots Robin and has heaps of memories. I have no real idea about how this turned out so you guys be the judges. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am WAY too poor to ever own Teen Titans, only ever in my dreams, and Staind is the rightful owner of this song.

_Italics –_ Song

Normal – Raven's POV

"" – Speaking

'' – Raven's thoughts

_It's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high_

3 years. Had it really been that long? It seems just like yesterday when I saw you last. After 3 years you still haven't changed, at least in your looks. But me, I've changed, I've gone back to who I was before I met you, I've gone back to my shadows.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you_

I remember the day we first met. I gave you one glance over and it was the grin that did it for me, I knew I would never be able to stand you. That cocky grin is still there, only now it's not directed at me.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again_

I always thought that joining the team would be the death of me, now I realise it was the team that saved me from my death. It was them that helped me, but no-one knows that I did it for you.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you_

I remember the night where you gave me your cell phone number. At the time I thought you were being polite, but if you were, why didn't the rest of the team have it? I've spent many nights laying awake thinking about calling you, but I never have.

_And everything I can't remember  
As fed up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means_

So many things happened during the 6 years we were a team, I could never recall them all. Some of the things we did, I sort of cherish that I can't remember exact details, but some of the things I did, I wish I knew exactly what I did to you, just so I can get over what happened afterwards.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted_

One memory sticks out in my mind though, the first time I felt my heart race looking at you. Every time I close my eyes and think of it I can smell the same smells, taste the same tastes and my heart still races as it did that day.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself as well_

You were the one that taught me about love, the most important kind of love there is, the love I had for myself. I knew I was a weapon my father created so I hated myself for it, but you taught me everything good about myself, and I learned to love. Sadly, being away from you made me forget it all.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fed things up just like I always do_

So many times I messed up in the team before I realised how I felt. I couldn't concentrate, my brain was all fogged up, my eyes glazed over, all I could hear was a low hum. Luckily no-one figured out what I was thinking about, it took me a long time to realise, I couldn't take my mind off you.

_And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you_

The rest of the team tried hard not to show it, but they were disappointed in me for messing up so many times. They seemed to forget I could read their emotions. Only you kept me going. You made me forget about the others when you comforted me.

_And everything I can't remember  
As fup as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fed things up again_

It soon became an all too often thing for me to do something wrong with the team, whether it was catching criminals or just getting angry for no reason. I was so frustrated with myself for everything I said or did to hurt the team. It's amazing they kept up appearances for as long as they did. But they had to crack sometime, and they really did crack.

_Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day!_

Now here you are again. After 6 years of being in the same team with you as our leader and then 3 years of no contact at all, here you are in this bar. I was fine without you! I was able to forget! I thought I had gotten over you and was at peace with myself at being alone! So why does my heart race like it did all those years ago?

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight_

I know I've being lying to myself throughout these 3 years, I could see it in my eyes every time I looked in the mirror. Maybe that's why I have no trace of a mirror in my apartment. You've spotted me now, can you see the lie I've been living, wishing it would become a reality?

_And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry_

Why are you staring at me so? Are you also remembering the night I left? All I came to your room for was to say sorry. Sorry for all the times I screwed up, sorry for all the times I lost control with my powers and hurt somebody, sorry for feeling the way I did…..or is it still do?

_And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face_

I see you making up some excuse to leave the table you're at now and you slowly stand up towards me, exactly the same way you stood up from sitting on your bed that night. You had no lights in your room, only candles. They were everywhere. I can still see the way they reflected off your face, making shadows on your walls.

_And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste_

Making your way through the crowds keeping your eyes on me, always on me. That night I never got to say anything. You completely overpowered me. We stood there in you room for an eternity, the candles forever bouncing light off our still bodies. No words were spoken as you lent down and kissed me softly. That kiss took my breath away. You never pulled away, only kissed me more fiercely, leading me back to your bed. That night you made love to me so softly and passionately I forgot everything apart from you.

_And everything I can't remember  
As fed up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me_

At the edge of the crowd you stop and just stare at me. I have no idea what you are thinking and your features aren't giving anything away. You have ever right to hate me, for I left you that night. Afterwards you fell fast asleep in my arms, so peaceful. Your bare skin brushed against mine every time you shifted in your sleep, sending shivers all through me. I watched your chest move up and down with each breath you took for a while, memorizing every inch of you, but far too soon I knew I had to go. I slid out from under you and searched for my uniform on the floor of your room. As I stepped out to the corridor I turned back to look at you lying there asleep I felt a single tear fall from my eye…another tear now falls as I stand here in this crowded bar a metre away from you.

You step closer to me and reach out your arm as you spot the tear, but still keep space between us unsure what to do.

"Raven?" You whisper hesitantly. I nod a fraction in response.

"Yeah Robin, it's me…"

I see you swallow uncomfortably, but you never take your eyes off me once.

"What are you doing here Raven? And now, after all this time….."

I look down, searching for anything to concentrate on but you, and stay silent. You step closer and I feel my heart pounding. "Raven why are you still trying to hide? Why have you always been trying to hide? Why did you think that leaving would help? Why did you leave?"

I look up at you as you grab my arms forcefully, but still gentle.

"I had to leave Robin! I was suffocating there! No-one wanted me! I wanted no-one!"

'No Robin. It's not true. Don't believe me. It's because I love you. I left because I love you. Don't listen to me. Please. I love you.'

You stay watching me and holding me, acting completely calm, but I can feel your pulse Robin, and you're anything but calm. I can feel you loosen your hold on my arms and my heart slowly tears.

'Don't leave me'

It's as if you hear my voice in my head and before I know it you have your arms wrapped fully around me and you're kissing me as passionately as you did that night.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high_

I stand frozen not letting myself believe it for a moment but as soon as I feel you start to pull away I snake my arms around your neck and pull you back down. I whisper again and again, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," as I hold you tightly against me and let out tears I've been holding onto for many years. You just smile softly and hold me against your body. "It's ok Raven. I'm here. I'm here for you. I'm here to help. I'm here to care. I'm here to love." You wipe away my tears with your thumb and I look up at you. "You don't have to say sorry anymore Raven. I love you" I smile up at you so softly you can hardly see it, but you know it's there. "I love you too Robin. Always have, always will."

_And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry_

4 years. Had it really been that long? That night I left still feels like just yesterday, as I walk down the aisle with the white veil over my face. I can see you standing there, so handsome in your tux, with that cocky grin forever on your face. I reach you and you lift the veil out of my face. I smile up at you and whisper, "It's been awhile since I saw that grin." You just grin wider, amused, and take my hands in yours. "You saw it yesterday." I squeeze your hand lightly. "I know."

So how'd I go? Please let me know. I really want to be good at this, for your guys sakes! You deserve good stories! Please review and tell me how I am. Until next time! x0x0x0x0x


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